piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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