paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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