yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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