my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
