There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize