i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
