Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
