Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
