I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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