so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
