Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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