I'm drive I can fine osifer
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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