OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
