I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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