i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
