I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize