the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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