we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
