I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
