Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
vagina is talking i cant
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
