I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Randomize