At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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