so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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