I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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