what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
