Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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