Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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