No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
