Jerry, you need to find god
Betty ford says i'm here all night
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
