I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
