I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
