I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
