Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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