You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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