I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
