...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
