I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
