I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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