1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
