A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
How external is "for external use only"?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
