ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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