I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Randomize
