don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
