Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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