In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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