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butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
