Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
