I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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