Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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