i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
