kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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