We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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