I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
