The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize