my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
