life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
