You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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