You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
