upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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