Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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