Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
i think i just lost a toe
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
