I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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