State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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