So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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