My room smells like vodka and shame
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
