You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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