I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
