My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
