My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You're like the curious george of whores
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
