I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
