I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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