i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
