i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
