i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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