Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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