Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
