Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize