never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
