He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize