I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
