So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
