Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
then he tried to convert me to islam
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize