It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
