There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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