you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
This toilet bowl is my home.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
