fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize