So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
