I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
