Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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