girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
