That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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