Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize