I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
